I Know How You Feel: The Joy and Heartbreak of Friendship in Women’s Lives

I Know How You Feel: The Joy and Heartbreak of Friendship in Women’s Lives

An expert's rich exploration of the intense, complicated landscape of women's friendships. “Do I have enough friends?” “Why did my friendship end?” and “What makes a good friendship work?"These are questions that F. Diane Barth, a psychotherapist widely recognized for her expertise in women’s relationships, fields all the time. In I Know How You Feel, she draws out engagin...

DownloadRead Online
Title:I Know How You Feel: The Joy and Heartbreak of Friendship in Women’s Lives
Author:F. Diane Barth
Rating:

I Know How You Feel: The Joy and Heartbreak of Friendship in Women’s Lives Reviews

  • Michelle

    For decades, NYC psychotherapist F. Diane Barth has specialized in women’s counseling and studies. Our valuable and vital connections to others are explored in “I Know How You Feel: The Joy and Heartbreak of Friendship in Women’s Lives” . Over time as women mature and experience personal growth development, the changes and impacts of women’s friendship are significant.

    In our mobile and fast paced society, it seems to be a rarity to maintain friendships developed in childhood, yet there were wome

    For decades, NYC psychotherapist F. Diane Barth has specialized in women’s counseling and studies. Our valuable and vital connections to others are explored in “I Know How You Feel: The Joy and Heartbreak of Friendship in Women’s Lives” . Over time as women mature and experience personal growth development, the changes and impacts of women’s friendship are significant.

    In our mobile and fast paced society, it seems to be a rarity to maintain friendships developed in childhood, yet there were women that maintained these long term friendships. Younger women were more likely to experience “Twinning” according to Barth where the friends are as close as sister’s—they think alike, act alike with the same personality thoughts, feelings, likes and dislikes. Twinning is likely to be outgrown though. At 60, one woman reported that her friendships were not as intense and were more like a “comfy cushion” and very satisfying. Barth listed many examples of how women’s friendships evolved over time, and also how exciting it was to resume contact in a close friendship where there had been no or little contact for years, yet the friendship bond picked up where it left off.

    Both men and women value the same qualities in friendships: loyalty, dependability, fun, trustworthiness. Friendships with men filled in the gaps, and Millennials seemed more comfortable in maintaining platonic relationships.

    The not so pleasant side of friendship was covered: betrayal, disillusionment, sexual tension, misunderstandings, rejection and the reasons women feel at such a loss when a best friendship ends. A story continued throughout the book over the loss of a best friend who slept with her husband, the divorce, remarriage, and the maintenance of relationships due to the fact of children were involved. Included were many coping strategies listed as women navigated difficult circumstances related to widowhood, or when their friends were too self-centered, narcissistic, bossy, demanding or had more serious issues related to alcohol, substance abuse, eating disorders or psychological problems.

    There were many sources of literature, motivation and self-help books listed. The Dance of Anger Harriet Lerner (2014)—also “On Death and Dying” Elizabeth Kubler-Ross (1997) and many others. This is an important book and isn’t overly long or weighted down with data, statistics, or uninteresting studies and long rambling stories. ** With thanks and appreciation to Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company for sponsoring the Goodreads Giveaway’s that made this review possible.

  • Meghan

    I received this book as an advanced reader's copy and I was waiting for a book like this to be created. This is the ultimate guide for adolescent socialism. This book provides a full depth analysis on the social problems and complexities that everyone faces everyday and the reasons provided are good thoughts to remember such as social media friends vs. Real Life Friends and the whole chapter on cliques. I highly recommend this book to not only students who continue to struggle with this topic bu

    I received this book as an advanced reader's copy and I was waiting for a book like this to be created. This is the ultimate guide for adolescent socialism. This book provides a full depth analysis on the social problems and complexities that everyone faces everyday and the reasons provided are good thoughts to remember such as social media friends vs. Real Life Friends and the whole chapter on cliques. I highly recommend this book to not only students who continue to struggle with this topic but for teachers and anyone who works with the general public. Who knows this book might save your life!! 5 stars!

  • Anna Alapatt

    I Know How You Feel: The Joy and Heartbreak of Friendship in Women’s Lives is a very well written book about women's friendships. Over the past ten years my friend group has grown and shrunk - mostly due to the fact that I was moving abroad multiple times. Upon returning to the US, which coincided with my 30th birthday, I started to feel very differently about my friendships before than I did in the past. Before reading this book, I felt really awful about how much I was struggling to find new f

    I Know How You Feel: The Joy and Heartbreak of Friendship in Women’s Lives is a very well written book about women's friendships. Over the past ten years my friend group has grown and shrunk - mostly due to the fact that I was moving abroad multiple times. Upon returning to the US, which coincided with my 30th birthday, I started to feel very differently about my friendships before than I did in the past. Before reading this book, I felt really awful about how much I was struggling to find new friendships - particularly in group classes or meet ups, where I felt I would find a lot of like-minded women. However, after reading this book, I felt so much less alone, because I realized how many other women were experiencing the same exact thing as me! Thank you for this wonderful book F. Diane Barth and all the great work you do!

  • Sharon

    A scholarly examination of the way in which women's friendships differ from men's, this book seeks to provide insight into how and why friendships occur and change. I'm not entirely certain that the author achieved this goal. She used a meta-analysis of media (including TV shows like "Gilmore Girls") and interviews to reach her conclusions.

    I found the chapters on boundaries and grief to be most enlightening, as they examined the importance of setting boundaries on both sides of a friendship and

    A scholarly examination of the way in which women's friendships differ from men's, this book seeks to provide insight into how and why friendships occur and change. I'm not entirely certain that the author achieved this goal. She used a meta-analysis of media (including TV shows like "Gilmore Girls") and interviews to reach her conclusions.

    I found the chapters on boundaries and grief to be most enlightening, as they examined the importance of setting boundaries on both sides of a friendship and also of how to handle grief if a friendship ends (as many inevitably do).

    Don't look for vast enlightenment here, but do look for an interesting overview.

  • Christina

    I enjoyed this book. It's worth a read.

    This book is written by a psychotherapist who specializes in women's relationships. It delves into all the nuances of female relationships. I liked how it brought out that some women feel if they don't have that close we -share -everything-and-talk-everyday kind of relationship, one that is often idealized in movies and TV, there is something wrong or they did something wrong and they don't have real friendships. I've felt that way at times.

    What I really en

    I enjoyed this book. It's worth a read.

    This book is written by a psychotherapist who specializes in women's relationships. It delves into all the nuances of female relationships. I liked how it brought out that some women feel if they don't have that close we -share -everything-and-talk-everyday kind of relationship, one that is often idealized in movies and TV, there is something wrong or they did something wrong and they don't have real friendships. I've felt that way at times.

    What I really enjoyed was the format. Ms. Barth gets in there at the beginning of the chapter and raises a premise. She states studies in succinct fashion and then exits the book for a bit and allows women to speak. The chapters are filled with women's life experiences and stories in their own words. I really enjoyed the parts about how women handle competition in life - over men, in the workplace, in social circles. And again the one on how relationships change as you age or make transitions in life. Each section has a what you can do section designed to help you better support and overcome obstacles in your friendships - or know when to let go while still learning from the experience.

    I would love to see this book done in a book club. The premises, observations and life experiences make for great conversation.

  • Carol

    A thoughtful book by seasoned psychoanalyst F. Diane Barth, based on interviews with other women ( their names and other details are altered for anonymity). One interesting section is on when a woman should or shouldn't let a friendship end, and how this decision might vary according to individual needs and wants. Another point is that we may need to broaden our definition of friendship -- if a friendship is fulfilling for us, even if it is meeting in a reading group once a month, it may not nee

    A thoughtful book by seasoned psychoanalyst F. Diane Barth, based on interviews with other women ( their names and other details are altered for anonymity). One interesting section is on when a woman should or shouldn't let a friendship end, and how this decision might vary according to individual needs and wants. Another point is that we may need to broaden our definition of friendship -- if a friendship is fulfilling for us, even if it is meeting in a reading group once a month, it may not need to meet a traditional definition. The issue of sexual tension in friendship is also discussed -- many people avoid some friendships due to this issue, and others do not. Dealing with cliques -- from the inside or outside -- and the adolescent phenomenon of "twinning" are handled differently as women age -- many women begin to say "no" to overly demanding or intrusive friends and cliques, while others remain friends but begin standing up to bossy, intrusive friends. Another common issue is "splitting," where a friend facing a conflict between two other people might preserve one relationship by casting one friend as all good and the other as all bad. This may or may not be a healthy way of coping depending on the relationship. An especially valuable section deals with the question of discovering one's own role in conflicts with friends. This does not mean that the problem is one's own fault. But a good question to ask is what there is about oneself that may have contributed to a conflict and might help to deal with it or to avoid getting in a similar situation in the future.

  • T.L. Cooper

    When I first saw I Know How You Feel: The Joy and Heartbreak of Friendship in Women's Lives by F. Diane Barth on the Amazon Vine Program page, I scrolled on past. I didn't think it applied to me. My friendships are... just fine. Then I started thinking about it and ended up back on the page ordering it. I'm so glad I did. While there wasn't all that much that I didn't know or hadn't surmised from my own life experience, Barth gave me a different perspective on what the knowledge and experience I

    When I first saw I Know How You Feel: The Joy and Heartbreak of Friendship in Women's Lives by F. Diane Barth on the Amazon Vine Program page, I scrolled on past. I didn't think it applied to me. My friendships are... just fine. Then I started thinking about it and ended up back on the page ordering it. I'm so glad I did. While there wasn't all that much that I didn't know or hadn't surmised from my own life experience, Barth gave me a different perspective on what the knowledge and experience I had actually meant. Barth writes in a tone that feels a bit like having a conversation with a friend. She even includes a bit of friendly advice at the end of each chapter with her "what you can do" section. As I read I Know How You Feel, my thoughts traveled back over my entire life in an attempt to better understand all the friendships I've had with women over the years. Barth touches on the emotions, the actions, the beliefs, the expectations, and the thoughts that surround friendships between women and examines how each of these play a role in every friendship women have with one another whether lifelong, for a short period of time, or only at a workplace or organization. I Know How You Feel reminded me that while sometimes I really do know how my women friends feel, other times I only think I do.

  • Kathleen

    Just shy of my 21st birthday, I was told by a woman, seven years my senior, that she "had enough friends" and would only add "acquaintances" from that point on. I was surprised at her comment because first, I hadn't been thinking we were becoming friends; second, I wasn't really interested in becoming her friend; third, was she considering me a candidate for the "acquaintance" category?; and fourth, who thinks about having "enough friends" anyway? Like prunes, did she think, "Two are too few, an

    Just shy of my 21st birthday, I was told by a woman, seven years my senior, that she "had enough friends" and would only add "acquaintances" from that point on. I was surprised at her comment because first, I hadn't been thinking we were becoming friends; second, I wasn't really interested in becoming her friend; third, was she considering me a candidate for the "acquaintance" category?; and fourth, who thinks about having "enough friends" anyway? Like prunes, did she think, "Two are too few, and six, too many?" Despite my immature perspective at the time (and my unexpressed indignation that I might be relegated to the substandard "acquaintance" category,) the distinction has always lingered on the edge of my thinking about relationships.

    What is it about women's friendships that so many find intriguing or mysterious? Interviewing many women and imbedding professional research that clarifies and extends those women's thoughts, Barth has written a book in which most women will find a glimpse or two of themselves. From elementary school through high school and college, through careers and marriage and babies and staying single without children and changing circumstances, Barth chronicles what marks women's friendships, the complexity, the fulfillment, the discomfort, "solace and frustration, heartbreak and joy."

    I don't think there are any revelations to her findings, although some women interviewed expressed they were sharing thoughts out loud for the first time. I do think some readers will feel their decisions about friendships are affirmed. There is no boilerplate about numbers or how often you see each other, what you talk about, or for how long. A few things are key such as trust and paying attention to the small details in our friends' lives. Barth also offers suggestions about handling some of the challenges of friendship such as conflict, rejection and loss. Who knew there was so much betrayal and rejection among women beyond junior high? Eeesh!

    While there were no surprises, the book was reassuring. We change over time, and our friendships change with us. Women are wired to connect and thus, we can look forward to making new friends, different friends throughout our lives. As the Girl Scout round I once sang goes, "Make new friends but keep the old; one is silver, and the other is gold."

  • Lori

    Before: I won an advanced copy through Goodreads and the publisher and I can't wait to get it because the older I get the less I think I understand. My female friendships are very important to me. Aren't we all a little Complicated?

    During: So far this book is a little scattered and mostly seems to be focused at moms. There are plenty of women without husbands or children and female friendships are important for them as well.

    The book also jumps around a lot. One minute she's talking about giving

    Before: I won an advanced copy through Goodreads and the publisher and I can't wait to get it because the older I get the less I think I understand. My female friendships are very important to me. Aren't we all a little Complicated?

    During: So far this book is a little scattered and mostly seems to be focused at moms. There are plenty of women without husbands or children and female friendships are important for them as well.

    The book also jumps around a lot. One minute she's talking about giving advice to a friend and the next it's about narcissistic friends, it seems disorganized.

    Repetitive.

Best Free Books is in no way intended to support illegal activity. Use it at your risk. We uses Search API to find books/manuals but doesn´t host any files. All document files are the property of their respective owners. Please respect the publisher and the author for their copyrighted creations. If you find documents that should not be here please report them


©2018 Best Free Books - All rights reserved.