The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts

Simple ideas, lasting love Falling in love is easy. Staying in love—that’s the challenge! How can you keep your relationship fresh and growing amid the demands, conflicts, and just plain boredom of everyday life? In the #1 New York Times bestseller The 5 Love Languages, you’ll discover the secret that has transformed millions of relationships worldwide. Whether your re...

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Title:The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts
Author:Gary Chapman
Rating:
Edition Language:English

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts Reviews

  • Hildie

    My mother in law gave me this book and I hesitated reading it because it sounds so cheesy (and just take a look at the cover--how dorky!) But I was stuck on vacation with nothing else to read so I reluctantly gave it a try. In a nutshell, this book has changed my life. Page after page I found myself wanting to yell, "yes! Thats exactly right!" If I could give this more than five stars, I would. Okay, maybe "changed my life" is a bit strong, but it has certainly enhanced my marriage like nothing

    My mother in law gave me this book and I hesitated reading it because it sounds so cheesy (and just take a look at the cover--how dorky!) But I was stuck on vacation with nothing else to read so I reluctantly gave it a try. In a nutshell, this book has changed my life. Page after page I found myself wanting to yell, "yes! Thats exactly right!" If I could give this more than five stars, I would. Okay, maybe "changed my life" is a bit strong, but it has certainly enhanced my marriage like nothing else I've ever read or done.

    The advice this author gives is so profound and universal, it can be applied successfully to any deep relationship you have (children, parents, close friends). I just can't recommend it highly enough. Every couple, whether newly together or old marrieds, could benefit from this book.

  • Catherine

    This book was recommended to my friend by her pastor to read before she got married. My assumption was that it would be religious in tone and not very relevant to today's relationships.

    I'm so glad I was wrong! This is one of those books I would suggest everyone read. It is such a simple explanation of what can so often go wrong in relationships. It's not about men vs. women, it's about the way people receive love.

    The basis is there are 5 Love Languages (obviously). And if you speak a different

    This book was recommended to my friend by her pastor to read before she got married. My assumption was that it would be religious in tone and not very relevant to today's relationships.

    I'm so glad I was wrong! This is one of those books I would suggest everyone read. It is such a simple explanation of what can so often go wrong in relationships. It's not about men vs. women, it's about the way people receive love.

    The basis is there are 5 Love Languages (obviously). And if you speak a different love language than your partner, then you may not feel loved.

    The 5 Love Languages are:

    Words of Affirmation

    Quality Time

    Receiving Gifts

    Acts of Service

    Physical Touch

    I'm sure everyone responds to all of these in some way, but we all have a primary language. There is a great quiz in the back that can help you more quickly define yours. By reading the book, I knew what mine was, but the survey pinpointed it to a T and helped me rank mine by importance, even better than I think I could have done on my own.

    This book will help you in your current relationships (of all kinds, not just romantic) and any future relationships you'll have. It really pinpoints how relationships can fall apart after the honeymoon period is over, even if you still love each other. It helps you understand how to show your love for someone else in a way that they'll best receive it.

    I could give a bunch of examples from the book, but I want you to read it! So go get it from the library TODAY. Then share with me what your primary language is! I'd love to know everyone's. Mine is Words of Affirmation.

    "Almost never do two people fall in love on the same day, and almost never do they fall out of love on the same day."

    "Love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself."

  • Maha Maged
  • Aishu Rehman

    Chapman used many real-life examples from his own marriage, and of couples that he had counselled across the years, to illustrate the concepts in his book and how they can be applied to address different marriage/ relationship issues and circumstances. These are case studies help us to identify similarities and lessons for our own relationships.

    In the book, he also offers 2 pages of additional ideas and suggestions for each of the 5 love languages, as well as separate love language profile surve

    Chapman used many real-life examples from his own marriage, and of couples that he had counselled across the years, to illustrate the concepts in his book and how they can be applied to address different marriage/ relationship issues and circumstances. These are case studies help us to identify similarities and lessons for our own relationships.

    In the book, he also offers 2 pages of additional ideas and suggestions for each of the 5 love languages, as well as separate love language profile surveys for husbands and wives (to identify your primary love language). If you enjoyed the ideas in this article, do get a copy of The 5 Love Languages from Amazon

  • Malbadeen

    This book is based on the premise that everyone has a "love language". Things others say or do that make one feel "loved",they are follows:

    -words of affirmation.

    -recieving gifts.

    -acts of service.

    -physical touch.

    -quality time.

    Personally I want you to tell me how great I am (words of affirmation) while walking in the house with a collection of poetry for me (receiving gifts), make a beeline for the trash that needs to be taken out (acts of service), then come back in and read quietly next to me (q

    This book is based on the premise that everyone has a "love language". Things others say or do that make one feel "loved",they are follows:

    -words of affirmation.

    -recieving gifts.

    -acts of service.

    -physical touch.

    -quality time.

    Personally I want you to tell me how great I am (words of affirmation) while walking in the house with a collection of poetry for me (receiving gifts), make a beeline for the trash that needs to be taken out (acts of service), then come back in and read quietly next to me (quality time) before I ride you like the wild stallion that you are (physical touch) so where does that leave me? Which love language am I? This book was not helpful (as indicated by the shelf it's on).

  • Msmeemee

    this book is a tool through which the author, gary chapman, can play out his jesus-complex disguised as a relationship self-help book. there are references from the bible throughout almost every chapter and gary likes to include generous praise from his clients who call him a "miracle worker." it's damn-near pretty close to being called god.

    the book has all the hallmarks of a bestseller: easy to read (i read it in one day); hopeless circumstances that seem beyond repair; and an uplifiting ending

    this book is a tool through which the author, gary chapman, can play out his jesus-complex disguised as a relationship self-help book. there are references from the bible throughout almost every chapter and gary likes to include generous praise from his clients who call him a "miracle worker." it's damn-near pretty close to being called god.

    the book has all the hallmarks of a bestseller: easy to read (i read it in one day); hopeless circumstances that seem beyond repair; and an uplifiting ending. the more bestsellers i read, the more i realize that the formula for mainstream media isn't just used in music and movies, it's used in books, too. ugh, how annoying. i admit, i was almost sold on it, too. the author used just the right amount of despair and at the appropriate moments, instilled hope for a better future. and while hope isn't bad at all, the book lacks in addressing the complexity of relationships as well as the diversity of relationships in today's world. for example, this book may not translate well in multicultural relationships that are dictated by a whole different set of mores and values. also, i wonder how it would be relevant to queer couples or polyamourous relationships. it's quite apparent that this book is meant for hetero-white-christian-monogamous couples.

    but the one major caveat of this book that isn't so much a caveat as a poorly disguised advocate of misogyny, is the case of a woman who has been abused (what type of abuse has been perpetrated isn't made explicit and gary's reluctance to do so makes me suspicious of how the church deals with issues of domestic violence). gary's advice? dismiss any of your own feelings of discomfort (being used for sex) and have sex with your husband as an act of love and hope that he will reciprocate that love. and what i don't understand is how people have overlooked this, even people who are in the psychology field. that's one thing he doesn't really address, how to identify your limits and make compromises. if you can't see the problem with this picture, i pray you never get married. or have a relationship. or speak to people.

    the gender roles in this book are fucking archaic. there's this little section where gary talks about the gender differences in sexual desire. according to him, these differences are all physiologically based. men simply have more tension built-up as a result of massive sperm generation whereas women don't, and that is why women don't crave sex the way men do. instead, women only want sex if their men meet their emotional needs. what, do men not need to have their emotional needs met? are they really just fucking animals who want to empty their over-spermed dicks? why don't they just jack off into a toilet for crying out loud? oops, am i not supposed to mention masturbation in the presence of god? and gary makes women seem like fucking prudes from the latest harlequin romance, the christian edition. gag. this man has very little knowledge of couples outside the realm of christian folklore.

    his section on physical touch made me laugh. i wasn't sure if the lame attempts at humor were to assuage his own discomfort or that of his audience. yes, gary, people have sex. i understand that when you tell me to rub my partner's leg with my foot that i should make sure i'm not rubbing the dog. harhar.

    to be fair, he touched on the basic fundamentals of communication with your partner, but i can hardly call this book revolutionary. his book on the five languages of love for children sound more useful just because the developmental stage they are in matches the dumbed-down tone of the book. you'd think he was writing for couples who were born in a vaccuum.

    i'm so over reading new york times bestsellers. we've been brainwashed into accepting that the typical mainstream formula is quality literature. i prefer real talk to fluffy shit, thank you.

  • Jeff

    This was recommended by a “friend” of my wife, which proves part of the old adage: “A friend of thy wife, is thine enemy”.

    That’s from the Bible or the Decameron or Archie Comics.

    I think.

    I’ll do the whole would-it-kill-you-to-read-something-positive-with-me-for-a-change thing

    in order spend some time with my wife. Plus, bonus, the audio book was relatively short.

    I’ve had to read a few scoops of self-help

    literature over the years, so I’m down with the lingo:

    This was recommended by a “friend” of my wife, which proves part of the old adage: “A friend of thy wife, is thine enemy”.

    That’s from the Bible or the Decameron or Archie Comics.

    I think.

    I’ll do the whole would-it-kill-you-to-read-something-positive-with-me-for-a-change thing

    in order spend some time with my wife. Plus, bonus, the audio book was relatively short.

    I’ve had to read a few scoops of self-help

    literature over the years, so I’m down with the lingo:

    Annie Wilkes’s How to Win Friends and Influence People.

    I’m OK (Neurotic, OCD, manic-depressive), You’re OK (Nymphomaniac, Daddy issues, Passive-aggressive).

    Untying my “inner child” from the radiator and letting him have ice cream with my “toxic” parents.

    Books that give you a “thought for the day”, you know, something cosmic and revelatory to think about and chew on for eternity (or until you close the book).

    Well, as a way to work into that, fanatical (and borderline crazy) Goodreader, let me explain the good doctor’s theory on the FIVE languages of love. Basically, we all speak a primary language and we all have a language of love that we learned from mommy and daddy.

    One of

    languages of love.

    Five! Count ‘em, Five!

    What was that number again?

    So, that number is five, right?

    According to Dr. Chapman, the five languages are:

    Now, I’m done.

    1) Giving gifts – If the last time you gave your wife flowers was when Nirvana was a thing, then this one isn’t you.

    2) Words of affirmation – These don’t include: “You’re an idiot/moron/devil/shrew/succubus etc.”

    3) Acts of Service or doing stuff for your loved one or something – Helping my wife bury the hoochies that chase after our son qualifies here.

    4) Quality time –

    It’s not me, me, me. Maybe your wife, wants to hang with you and do stuff, like, I don’t know, talk…

    5) Physical touch – It’s not only smexy times, but just being there, being present.

    Note to wife: Please treat every day like my birthday!

    So, in a nutshell, recognize your love language and your spouse’s love language and try to accommodate them in some small way.

    If I’ve saved your marriage, you’re welcome or just send me a check. Make it out to “CASH”.

    Warning! The doctor likes to work in the Christian stuff and this is strictly a hetero tome, so if the first is a turn off and you find the second limited, look for help elsewhere. And like anything in this world that makes money, Chapman has written enough additional books on this subject to choke a Tijuana stage show donkey.

  • Brittany

    I think the basis for this self-help book is good. I totally get the "love languages" thing. My husband's "love language" is Physical Affection and mine is Quality Time. I totally see that. But this is like a "Love Language For Dummies." It talks to you like you're an idiot who has never had basic human social interaction before. And there isn't really any advice, just this guy rambling on about how smart he is for figuring out that people need to be loved in different ways. Like, his advice for

    I think the basis for this self-help book is good. I totally get the "love languages" thing. My husband's "love language" is Physical Affection and mine is Quality Time. I totally see that. But this is like a "Love Language For Dummies." It talks to you like you're an idiot who has never had basic human social interaction before. And there isn't really any advice, just this guy rambling on about how smart he is for figuring out that people need to be loved in different ways. Like, his advice for someone whose spouse (not partner, not lifemate, and - in this instance, always the wife) prefers "Acts of Service" as a love language (because wives love when their husband does the laundry for them, basically) is just that -- do the laundry without being asked. Well no shit. That's not real advice, that's common sense. And if the husband were to argue "I don't have time, I work a lot so that I can provide for my family" blah blah blah, he just says "WELL MAKE TIME." Super helpful, guy.

    Not to mention the book is sexist and heteronormative. Unfortunately, I did a little googling on the author AFTER the fact, and of course it is, because he's a Bible beater. I wish I had known that before I wasted my $7 on the Kindle book. I'd really like to see this concept updated and brought into the 21st century, written in such a manner as to A) actually include all walks of life, not just middle class straight white married couples, and B) actually offer advice that can be applied to a relationship.

  • KatieMc

    I won't go into the circumstances which lead to this bizarre buddy read that took place at Disneyland. Sometimes life can be stranger than fiction. I will say that this book has some reasonably helpful thoughts and ideas, but... it is way too simplified and way too heteronormative and way too traditional Christian-value based to speak to me in any meaningful way.

    Every single example featured a husband/breadwinner and wife/homemaker (who sometimes worked outside the home) couple. In one example,

    I won't go into the circumstances which lead to this bizarre buddy read that took place at Disneyland. Sometimes life can be stranger than fiction. I will say that this book has some reasonably helpful thoughts and ideas, but... it is way too simplified and way too heteronormative and way too traditional Christian-value based to speak to me in any meaningful way.

    Every single example featured a husband/breadwinner and wife/homemaker (who sometimes worked outside the home) couple. In one example, when the wife was asked to describe something positive about her husband, she says: "he let's me keep any money I earn in my part time job". Another example included a young wife who wished her husband would change the baby's diaper when he got home from work because she was busy cooking dinner (HIM: I would like her to cook dinner for when I get home from work).... WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?!?!?!

    The author didn't overtly advocate for traditional gender roles in the home, but I couldn't help but think there was a subliminal message indicating his preference for this. In the one example where the husband seemed to take on a fair share of the cooking, cleaning and other assorted domestic chores, the wife complained. She wanted him to spend more time with her. As it turned out, the wife really wanted to cook and clean, but the husband was too efficient and didn't give her a chance to do so. Oh, happy ending. Needless to say, I'm crying feminist tears at this point.

    Don't get me wrong, I am all for good communication, respect and understanding how to make your spouse feel loved. But when this misogynist flavored relationship guru doled out advice to a woman in a 'horrible' marriage, I took issue. The details of horror of the marriage were largely unsaid, other than it was given that the husband cursed and said he hated his wife. This woman was very religious and clearly the idea of leaving her husband was at odds with her beliefs. Since the husband had no interest in seeking marriage counseling, the author/marriage counselor devised a unilateral plan he admitted didn't know would work. The crux of the plan was for the wife to speak to her husband in his love language, and hopefully he would eventually he would reciprocate and the love tanks would start to refill. This plan basically suggested, among other things, that the wife initiate sex with her husband (as his love language was physical touch) even though this idea did not appeal to the wife. Kind of a 'take one for the team' approach. The author clearly said that this was her decision to do so. Ok, so all this has the appearance of consenting adults and informed decisions, so where's the problem Katie? Oh, I don't know, how about emotional manipulation of the vulnerable? Call me cynical, but I picture an abused spouse

    reading this and thinking that I just need to have sex with my husband and maybe things will work out.

    And that leads me to the other big issue I had with this book. All the case studies were simple and tidy and all had happily ever afters. Not very realistic. This author only cited success stories and provided no useful examples of how this love language thing can go wrong.

    Overall, I think the idea of love languages seems reasonable, but I was sorely disappointed in the examples and approaches suggested by the author. At best, he gave an overly optimistic view of how implementing his ideas would work. (and if they don't work the first time, perhaps you could try one of his marriage $eminars or buy more of his book$) At worst, they pander to the emotionally vulnerable in abusive relationships, giving them specious relationship advice.

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